Simone De Beauvoir 213-216

In this essay, Simone De Beauvoir discusses the different roles love plays in men's and women's lives.  One of the things she seems most concerned about is that while love is a small part of men's lives, for women being  desired by men and falling in love with them seems to be the whole focus of their existence.  She also examines the differences in the ways men and women express love. For women, love means submitting her body and soul to her lover. Men, however, don't give up any part of themselves when they are in love. According to Beauvoir, men's love is the desire to possess their lover.  I'm not sure I agree with Beauvoir's view on this. I think men's desire to possess their lover would be better categorized as lust than love.  I think of love as sort of a mutual vulnerability between two people. I don't think it's possible to be in love without both parties giving up a part of themselves to their lover.  While it does seem true that historically women have had to give up much more (such as careers, education, etc.) when they enter a relationship/marriage than men do, I disagree with Beauvoir's claim that men don't give up any part of themselves.

One of the parts of the essay I found most interesting was when Beauvoir was explaining why women want so badly to be in love.  She talks about how men are seen as sovereign, essential objects, encouraged to have bravery and ambition. while women are seen as "inessential creatures", who are doomed to dependence. Beauvoir talks about how males are held up almost to the same level as gods.  Women know that they can never be equal to men, so their only way of becoming important is to align themselves with a man. "She seeks to share in their masculinity by having one of them in love with her."  I thought this part was really interesting because she says that women are in love with the idea of masculinity, so it doesn't really matter which specific man she falls in love with. The entire point of love for a woman is to increase her social standing. It's also kind of sad how women as  they are portrayed in this essay have no identity of their own.  Their entire identity depends on the man with whom they enter a relationship with. 

This part reminded me of the controversy today over the practice of women taking their husband's last name when they get married. There are a lot of feminists who oppose this practice because they think that it signifies a woman giving up her own identity in favor of becoming part of her husband's. I can definitely see the merit in that argument.  Our name is a huge part of how we identify ourselves, and it does seem pretty weird that it's a social norm for women to give up the name they've identified with for their entire lives while men are not expected to do the same.  It makes it seem like marriage is a bigger part of the woman's identity than the man's, when it seems like it should be represented as equally important to both of them. 

Another part of the passage I thought was worthy of discussion was when she talked about how women resign themselves to a life of submission because it is easier than having to make their own decisions.  She talks about how in adolescence males are willing to submit themselves to being mothered and learning from older women, but this is merely a stage they pass through which would be socially unacceptable for them to stay in.  They are encouraged to challenge themselves and become independent.  Women, on the other hand, are taught to take the easy way out.  They are told that they will get everything they could ever want or need by being submissive to a man, so they have no reason to try to challenge themselves and make their own decisions.  When they eventually realize that being submissive has not gotten them everything the wanted, it is too late to change because they have already gotten used to being dependent on someone else to provide for them.  I wonder what Beauvoir would think of our culture today.  I feel like for the most part women today (at least in America) are encouraged to be independent and provide for themselves.  However, there are still a lot of ways in which women are encouraged to be more submissive than men, as evidenced by the fact that women who are assertive are considered "bossy" while in men assertiveness is considered a desirable trait.